Pain reminds us we're alive.

So a few days ago I had 4 teeth out!!!! 2 of them had to be cut out. Thank God I was sedated though but still......I have a dental phobia, and now I'm all swollen up and my gums are killing me.......I was so pissed, I told him NO gas. NONE. So what does he do? Throws that stupid thing on me and says, this will loosen you up while i get ready with the needle. That gas made my heart feel like it was going to explode. I will NOT have that again. NO WAY.

They said no smoking for a week, of course I already knew the risk of dry socket and I do not want that. My sister said it's worse than childbirth. lol So here I am, close to 3 full days without a cig. A record for me. You don't understand. I smoke a lot. Like at least a pack a day. I get urges now and then.....especially after eating or when drinking coffee. But I keep telling myself that I came this far, it would be a shame to go back to smoking.

I took one out earlier and held it and the lighter in my hand. So tempted. But I didn't do it. I thought, okay---here you are at a crossroads. You can either light up and be weak, or stay strong and at least give this a good shot.

It's SO hard. I read nicotine is as addictive as heroin. And I've been smoking now for oh......15 years.

Take it from me, do NOT start. If I could go back to the day I would I would do things very differently.

Anyway, wish me luck---I'll keep this updated!